Clár ábhair
A happy child has everything he wants
Happiness is absolutely not the satisfaction of all desires, all philosophers agree on this! No matter how old you are, getting what you want brings transient relief that looks like happiness, but is not true happiness. Much like when you scratch where itches itch, you experience pleasant positive relief, but feeling really happy is different! And once past the immediate satisfaction of a desire, new ones are instantly created, it is inextinguishable. The human is thus made, he desires what he does not have, but as soon as he has, he turns to what he does not yet have. To make your child happy, do not give him everything he wants, teach him to choose his priorities, to tolerate frustration, to limit his desires. Explain to him that there are things we can have and others not, that’s life! Tell him that you, the parents, are subject to the same law, that you must accept to put limits on your wishes. The rain is wet, we can’t have everything we want! Faced with clear and coherent adults, toddlers immediately understand the logic of the world.
A happy child does what he pleases
There are two families of happiness. Happiness linked to pleasure – for example, swinging, receiving hugs, eating sweets and good things, experiencing pleasant sensations … And the happiness associated with mastering new acquisitions, to the progress we make every day in our activities, for example understanding how to make a puzzle, knowing how to ride a bike without the small wheels, bake a cake, write your name, build a Kapla tower, etc. It is essential for parents to help their little one discover that there is fun in mastering, that it takes effort, that it can be difficult, that it has to be started over, but that it is worth it because, at the end of the day, the satisfaction is immense.
A happy child is necessarily happy
Certainly, a happy, balanced child, who is doing well in his head, who is confident in life, smiles and laughs a lot with his parents and with his friends. But whether you’re an adult or a toddler, you can’t be happy 24 hours a day! In a day, we are also disappointed, frustrated, sad, worried, angry … from time to time. The important thing is that the positive moments when your child is cool, happy, satisfied, outnumber the negative moments. The ideal ratio is three positive emotions for one negative emotion. Negative emotions are not a sign of educational failure. Accepting that a child experiences sadness and is able to discover for himself that his sadness can disappear and that it does not lead to disasters is fundamental. He has to do his own “psychological immunity”. We know that if we bring up a child in too strict a hygiene, we increase the risk of allergies because it cannot make its biological immunity. If you overprotect your child from negative emotions, his psychic immune system cannot learn to organize itself.
A loved child is always happy
The unconditional and unlimited love of his parents is necessary, but not enough to make a child happy. To grow well, he also needs a framework. Knowing how to say no when necessary is the best service we can give him. Parental love doesn’t have to be exclusive. Beliefs such as “We alone know how to understand you, we alone know what is good for you” are to be avoided. It is essential that parents accept that other adults can intervene in their education in a way different from theirs. A child needs to rub shoulders with others, to discover other relational modes, to feel frustration, to suffer sometimes. You have to know how to accept it, that’s education that makes you grow.
A happy child has lots of friends
Certainly, a child who is well is generally at ease in society and easily expresses what he is feeling. But this is not a hard and fast rule. You can have a different personality style and be good about yourself. If social contacts tire your child more than others, if he is cautious, a little reserved, whatever, he has the strength of the discreet in him. The important thing for him to be happy is that he feels that he is accepted as he is, that he has areas of freedom. A child adept at quiet happiness who sings, jumps around, likes to play alone in his room, invents worlds and has some friends, finds in his life what he needs and thrives as much as the leader does. most “popular” in the class.
A happy child is never bored
Parents are afraid that their child will be bored, go around in circles, remain unoccupied. Suddenly, they organize ministerial schedules for him, multiply the activities. When our thoughts wander, when we do nothing, when we look at the landscape through a train window for example, specific areas of our brain – which scientists call the “default network” – are activated. This network plays a fundamental role in memory, emotional stability and the construction of identity. Today, this network operates less and less, our attention is constantly captured by screens, linked activities … We know that the time of cerebral disengagement increases the level of well-being, while the
overcrowding causes stress and decreases the feeling of happiness. Don’t fill up with activities on your child’s Wednesdays and weekends. Let him choose the ones that he really likes, that really makes him happy, and intersperse them with times when there is nothing planned, pauses that will soothe him, calm him down and encourage him to use his creativity. Do not get used to “continuous jet” activities, he will no longer enjoy them and will become an adult dependent on the race for pleasure. Which is, as we have seen, the opposite of true happiness.
He must be protected from all stress
Studies show that in children overexposure to stress is problematic, as is overprotection. It is preferable that the child is informed of what is happening in his family, with the simple and downplaying words of his parents, and also that he understands that these same parents face: the lesson that adversity exists and that it is possible to face it will be precious to him. On the other hand, it is obviously useless to expose the child to television news, unless it is his request, and in this case, always be by his side to answer his questions and help him decipher the images that can be overwhelming.
You have to tell her “I love you” every day
It is important to tell her often and clearly that you love her, but not necessarily on a daily basis. Our love should always be perceptible and available, but should not be overwhelming and omnipresent.
* Author of “And don’t forget to be happy. ABC of positive psychology ”, ed. Odile Jacob.