Níl an déagóir ag iarraidh fás suas: cén fáth agus cad atá le déanamh?

Indeed, 17-year-olds used to go to the front, supervise workshops, fulfill Stakhanov’s standards, but now they are not able to tear their butts off a laptop. Today’s children (let’s make a reservation: not all, of course), as far as possible, are trying to delay growing up, namely, the ability to plan life, be responsible for actions, rely on their own strengths. “Is it so convenient for them?” – we asked a specialist.

“The problem really exists,” says clinical psychologist Anna Golota. – The lengthening of adolescence coincided with a change in social norms and an increase in living standards. Earlier, “growing up” was inevitable and forced: if you don’t move, you will die of hunger in the literal or figurative sense of the word. Today, the child’s basic needs are largely met, so he does not need to go to the factory to work after the 7th grade to feed himself. What should parents do?

Have you noticed that the child is interested in something? Support his impulse, share the pleasure of the process, encourage and approve of the result, help, if necessary (not instead of him, but with him). The first skills to combine two actions in a chain and achieve the result are trained at the age of 2 to 4 years. A child can get the necessary experience only by doing something with his hands. Therefore, those children who grow up in apartments where everything is impossible, but you can only watch cartoons and hold a tablet, these skills do not develop, and in the future this deficit is transferred to study (at the mental level). Children growing up in a village or a private house, who are allowed to run a lot, climb trees, jump into a puddle, water plants at an early age, gain excellent activity skills. They will also willingly lay out the plates in the kitchen, sweep the floors, and do their homework.

• If your daughter approached the test with the question “Mom, can I try?” Turn off the boiling oil, mold a pie together, fry it and treat dad to. And don’t forget to compliment!

If a mother is always tired, twitched, unhappy, does household chores with groans, “How tired of you all,” she goes to work like a hard labor and only complains at home how bad everything is there, there can be no talk of any upbringing of independence. The child will in every possible way avoid such “adulthood”, just imitate your behavior. Another type is “Everyone owes me”. The parent himself is used to enjoying only passive consumption, does not value work or is forced to work, envious of those who are well settled. The child will also imitate such values, even if they are not voiced to him aloud.

• Dad, no, no, yes, he will say to the child (half-jokingly, half-seriously): “You will not be a president, you should have been born the president’s son.” Or: “Remember, sonny, choose a rich bride, with a dowry, so that you can be less relieved at work.” Do you think these phrases will inspire him?

Over the past 50 years, society has become more tolerant of people whose behavior and values ​​differ from generally accepted norms. Feminism, childfree, LGBT communities, etc. have appeared. So, general liberalization, rejection of punitive pedagogy, and a humane attitude towards dependents leads, among other things, to the fact that part of the youth chooses such a lifestyle. Currently, we cannot force our children to want to live the way we do.

• The daughter dreams of conquering the world’s model catwalks, spending hours studying glossy magazines. Don’t eat her bald head with endless lectures! Most likely, she is not close to the role model of a gentle and caring mother of the family.

And yet, if you want to bring up tenderness, kindness, and complaisance in your daughter, become an example of these virtues from today. A healthy marriage is something you can give your child as a dowry. And then he himself, as he can and wants.

• Whoever the kids want to become – a gamer, a fashion model, or a volunteer in Africa – support their choice. And remember that traditional role models do not protect against problems. “Real men” die more often than others from heart attacks and strokes, and gentle and caring women are more likely to become a victim of a tyrant.

Independence in everyday life, which we managed to bring up in a teenager, will become clear when you (conditionally) are not around. In the presence of parents, the child will automatically behave more childishly. Therefore, more often distance yourself and keep yourself in hand when an irresistible desire arises to clean the shoes of your “beloved son”. It is important to learn how to share boundaries with already grown children.

• The girl reluctantly puts things in order in the room, deserving the title of slut from her parents. And having started living with a young man separately from his parents, he gladly cleans up and masters cooking. The young father eagerly helps to swaddle the baby, gets up to him at night, but as soon as his mother comes to “help with the baby,” he immediately wilts and goes to the TV set. Sound familiar?

Recently, the number of children with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) has been increasing. Such children are disorganized, impulsive, restless. It is difficult for them to plan current actions, let alone talk about life plans or choosing a profession. The implementation of any activity related to achievements will cause increased emotional tension and stress in them. He will avoid difficult situations in order to preserve himself.

• The son, having studied for two years, drops out of music school because of his mother’s reaction to the twos in his diary. To the question “Don’t you love the guitar?” replies: “I love, but I do not want scandals.”

Many modern children have a deficit of volitional qualities – they are passive, go with the flow, easily fall under the influence of bad companies, and tend to seek primitive entertainment. They do not form higher motives of duty, honor, responsibility, behavior is conditioned by momentary emotions and impulses.

• In work and personal life, such a person is unreliable, although harmless. As an example – the protagonist of the film “Afonya”. “You need to get married, Afanasy, get married! – Why? Should they kick me out of the house too? ” How to help such children find their worthy place in life is a big problem. Someone is helped by sports, someone is an authoritative adult.